Help! My Kid Left the Church! (or the Journey of Deconstruction and Reconstruction)

It is the cry of desperate parents that I hear most often.  And with all of the scary things our kids can get involved in, it is indeed a valid concern when our kids seemingly seem to "lose their faith".  Yet, often, it isn't quite as bad as our minds and imaginations may at first tell us.  With some understanding and adjustments on our part, I believe that there is hope for this generation of emerging adults on their faithing journey.   Let's start with where they are developmentally.

One of the most common parts of one’s faithing journey, typically occurring sometime in the late teens and throughout the decade of one’s twenties, is the process of deconstructing everything one has been taught about God, about life and about faith.  They are carefully and thoughtfully sifting through those pieces that have been useful to them, as well as those damaging to them.  Deconstruction often occurs at the intersection of the late teens and early twenties as many come to a realization, perhaps for the first time, that they have personal agency that allows them to choose who they are going to be or not going to be. And it often happens, at least in my observation, anecdotally, at a point of crisis in faith.  Suddenly something doesn’t work the way their Sabbath School or Sunday School teachers told them it would.  A friend gets murdered or commits suicide.  A major breakup from one they were engaged to.  The death of a parent when they prayed hard.  Or perhaps they have “tried God” and found Him to be “too rigid” for their emerging beliefs.  Whatever it is, they suddenly announce that they are done with God.

Many, in seeking freedom from an oppressive, legalistic system they may have grown up in, often throw the Baby out with the bathwater, as they deconstruct any God out of their journey and insert reason in His place.  This is not new, yet when it is your loved one, it does cause days of hand-wringing, blame-casting, disagreements which escalate to angry arguments and riven relationships.

And these are understandable when a parent has already set their course towards God, and want more than anything else for their children to do the same.  Especially since, out of their own faithing journey of deconstruction and reconstruction, they may have experienced some hard bumps and major pain from mistakes they made along the way, and they are only wanting to naturally save the child from the pain and hopelessness they may have endured.  But reasoning, cajoling, arguing, demanding or breaking down in tears after fits of rage seldom do anything to bring that child back around.  Often, it ends up pushing them further out the other way.  They might roll their eyes and exclaim in exasperation—“you just don’t understand” as they walk out the door and slam it…again…on the way out.  Or, if they can’t escape the household, or they are of passive temperament,  they may just lapse into a non-communicative stare and avoid any confrontation by withdrawing.

If you find yourself there, don’t beat yourself up too much.  You didn’t beat yourself up when they got their growth spurt in their teens, did you?  As you watched their physical bodies mature into adult bodies, you weren’t wringing your hands in anguish, because you recognized it as a normal part of growing up. 

Did you know that as much as their bodies changed between ages 6-18, their brains actually change that much and more between the ages of 14 and 25.  The difference is, you can’t actually see it happening.  You “hear” it happening.  

Thoughts they might have as they are sifting through broken pieces.  Things that they may need to unlearn that are harmful to their image of God.  Trying to make sense of a world that is non-sensical…all of these provide fodder for thoughts you may take as foreign and damaging.  

And in your haste to correct their thoughts, rather than listening carefully to understand where they are, and perhaps asking thoughtful questions to help them process, many will make hasty blanket statements like, “Well as long as you are under my roof”…”or as long as I’m paying your bills”…or well, you get the idea.  And the whole thing escalates until neither is talking to each other, and mutual love and respect is diminished.

Well, thanks for all of this positivity Pastor, this isn’t helping a lot.  Keep reading.

Let me remind you that after Deconstruction comes Reconstruction.  That is, they are processing the question: what  pieces am I going to hold onto as I build my life for the future?  What are the things I want in my life?  Here is where both the difficulty and the challenge lie for you.  

But you can avoid the panic with the realization that God loves your child/children way more than you ever possibly could and His Spirit is continually pursuing them to effect their salvation eternally.  If you truly believe that, you can take some pressure off of yourself.  While God entrusted them to your care, He never put their salvation in your hands…just the desire for their salvation.  

And while that desire is pure and right, there are things you may be doing that might be pushing them farther away from it.  Fear is the tool the devil uses most to activate those actions, and then he jumps in the middle of the fear, stirs it up “real good”, and then creates and angry firestorm from it that leaves you both hurting and estranged.  

So start by asking the question of yourself—am I consistently painting a picture of God with my life that my child could be drawn to?  That’s hard.  Because no one is attracted to an arguing, dictatorial Jesus.  No one is drawn to a God who is kind one second and flies off the handle the next.  So start there.  

And if you discover that you have been less than ideal in this area, simply apologize.  Say directly, “I’m sorry.”  No justifications, no explanations.  Just “I’m sorry”…and then follow it with with what you are sorry for.  “I’m sorry for not presenting a more compelling picture of Jesus.  I will seek to do better.”  “I’m sorry for not listening to understand…I’ve been listening judgmentally, and to correct and I have come to the realization that you have your own valid thoughts as you are seeking to figure life out for you.  I hope you can forgive me and we can turn the corner in this relationship.  I may not agree with all of your thoughts, but I don’t need to argue with you.  I want you to know that my relationship with you is what I value even if we disagree.”

Secondly, recognize that the search for God always comes down to the individual.  It has always been a personal relationship that God desires.  Just a few verses after that verse that we love to quote in Jeremiah 29:11, where God is talking about the plans He has to give us a hope and a future, we come to this one in Jer. 29:13 “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”  

This means you can’t seek that relationship on behalf of other people.   Only for yourself.  But you can intercede on their behalf and pray that the Lord will bring them to the point of seeking.  You can continue to present a compelling picture of Jesus for them in your own life. 

Yet too many of us want to cut short the search process for our kids by simply telling them what and how to believe. In doing so, however, we must realize that is not their faith…it is still ours that we are wanting to push on them.  And God cannot have the relationship with them that He desires if we keep trying to interject our relationship with Him onto them.  He has given each of us free moral agency and that includes the power to choose Him or not.

 

Thirdly, appreciate who your young adult is.  Compliment them on whatever it is they do well and right.  Your words of blessing still carry much weight in their hearts.  They WANT you to be proud of them in at least some way.  This is what makes deconstruction so painful for them, because they know they might be discarding some things that are dear to you, but may have been hurtful to them.   

Recognize that for them, when the pain of holding on finally outweighs their desire to please you and have your blessing, they begin to discard.  And the more you rant and argue, the more they are convinced they needed to get rid of it.  It doesn’t win them back, but rather, like a magnet turned backwards, it begins to repel them, and it is then that they begin to question that statement you may have made to them as a child that “there is nothing you can ever do to make me stop loving you.”   

Learn instead to look for things they do well and appreciate them for that.  Praise them in front of others.  Especially pick things in their character that you can be proud of.  Things like a deeply caring nature.  Compassion.  Seeking justice for those who are underserved.  Action on an issue in the face of apathy by others.  A good work ethic.  Being a caring parent to their own child.  Anything you can find to praise them will help draw them back towards you and the God you love.  

Remember, Jesus said that love would be the determining mark of His disciples.  Make sure you are truly loving them in a way they can feel it.

One of the best books I’ve read recently that really helps put this generation of young adults into perspective is: Young Adult Ministry Now by Dr. Steven Argue.(available only at AdventSource.org)  In the opening chapters, he helps paint a picture from his and other current research of this faithing (his term) journey young adults are on. And while it is written primarily from a ministry perspective of a church young adult leader, a parent could learn much about how to understand and interact with their child if applying the principles set forth in this book.

And for both parents and churches, let me leave you with a quote from Young Adult Ministry Now (pg 30). “It’s also important to consider that in any relationship, it takes two to tango.  Often there has been an overemphasis on young adults leaving the church without church leaders reflecting on their own behaviors.  If churches fail to reflect on their own assumptions, attitudes or actions, they may be creating barriers for young adults to connect with them.”  

If true of churches, how much more true of our family bonds.

Reconstruction is the journey we are on for the remainder of our lives.  You and I continue to add to our faith journey the things we find helpful.  We continue to put pieces together that aid us in our spiritual walk, while seeking to unlearn those things that have harmed us along the way.  Hopefully, with these thoughts, much prayer and love, your relationship with your young adult can help them on their faithing journey towards a more constructive, wholistic view of a God who loves them with an everlasting love and who will do anything to win them eternally.

Thankfulness as a way of Living

 I know...it's been a LONG time since I posted here.  But, as we come to the Thanksgiving season, I hope you will indulge me writing a little longer article. I began thinking about thankfulness as a way of life instead of just once a year, and it led me on a search of someone who seeks to do just that.  His name is Chad.

 

I watched a YouTube video where one man (Ryan) donated part of his liver to his brother (Chad) to keep his brother alive…and then Ryan ended up dying from complications, though he had been totally healthy before the surgery.   It was moving story in which Chad, the recipient of this gift of life, chokes up at the thought of his brother giving up his life for him.  It goes on to show the gratitude of Chad’s children as they were talking with their cousins, (Ryan’s kids) and how difficult a situation it now was for them, since they ended up losing their dad.

 

It is difficult to watch a story that without being moved.  There is something compelling about a brother who loves so much that he is willing to risk his life for a brother that is dying.  There is something noble, something right, about a man who, when he finds out that he is a match, doesn’t hesitate to step up.  You can’t watch a story like that without being moved.  Yet, in looking at the comments on Youtube underneath this video, I am amazed at how many think he did the wrong thing.

 

“Now imagine the kind of guilt he has to live with. What a shame.”

 

“Die you son of... Pray to God that Ryan's children can forgive you. I can't imagine the embarrassment you must feel. I mean imagine knowing that your dad died because of your uncle and thanks to that baby that is 38 years old and still receives kisses from his dad, you will grow up without a father! IMAGINE!”

 

“If I were Ryan’s son I’d kill Chad. It would be a slow death --trust me.”

 

“And people believe in GOD hahaha eh......if_ this ain’t proof that there’s no GOD I don’t know what is........”

 

“The guy was being selfless and God just gave him the middle-finger. Meanwhile, we have child rapists and murders in prison getting three hot meals and a bed, living long lives.”

 

First of all, I find it amazing that there are so many people who can watch a 5 minute news story and then think to pass judgment on every person in it, believing that their opinion is the only one that matters…but beyond that, I think it says something about the human condition that has turned so selfish that the perspective is one of rage and revenge or another excuse to shake your fist at God and proclaim Him to be non-existent or Someone who doesn’t care at all.  Which is the first reason we have a hard time living a life of thankfulness.

 

We have grown used to putting our perspective above all others…including the truth.  When bad things happen, we rarely challenge our own thoughts as to their rightness or wrongness.  We simply assume that if we thought them, they must be right.  We have the arrogance to believe that we are the final authority what we see and we have little room for a change in perspective. We hold to our own opinions so tightly that we refuse to see any possibility that we just might be wrong.

 

A life of ingratitude is the result.  Nothing that happens around us can then be good enough to suit us.  Nothing is worthy of our lofty heights, and it is easy to dismiss it all with a sweep of the hand as being beneath us.  Then, when trouble comes, it is also very easy to fall into a victim’s role rather than a student’s role.

 

We complain and cry that life isn’t fair and that we don’t deserve all of this pain and often conclude that if there is a God, He must hate us to put us through all of this misery.  In short, our perspective has become our god.  And our perspective is what causes us to either make thankfulness a way of life or miss out on it. 

 

Either we see things from a perspective of being grateful, or from a perspective that leaves us wanting more and feeling like we not only deserve it, but that we are getting ripped off it we don’t get it.

 

Many of us are growing past the material side of things.  That is, we’ve seen that more material possessions won’t make us any happier, but we still want more.  We never seem to be satisfied.  A new computer. A new car.  A new sofa. A new job.  A new house.  You may say, “Nope…I’m satisfied.  Don’t want any of that.”

 

What about more power?  More influence?  More skill?  More money for the job you are being asked to do?  Nope…not me.  I’m happy.  Well…maybe a little more money.  But really, I’m good.

 

More intimacy in my marriage.  More time for doing what I want.  More respect.  More love.  More appreciation from others.  Are we getting closer to home?

 

We spend our lives thinking if only we had more of something then we’d be happy.  And while we know that’s not necessarily true, the fact is, we are right.  We do need more of something.  The catch is having more… of the right stuff. 

 

If we only had more of Jesus in our lives, we would be.  If we had more trust in Divine power and less trust in ourselves, we would be more settled.  If we had more belief that God really did love us and has our best interest in mind and less doubt, we could learn to relax in His care.  Again, it’s a matter of perspective.  And where do we get that perspective?  Let’s go back to the Word.

 

A few weeks ago, we looked at the first part of this verse—and I’d like to review it—but today, I want us to focus more on the last part.

 

 

Phil 4:6-7 NIV  6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

 

 

Phil. 4:6-7 NLT    Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.  7 Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

 

I like the way that reads, don’t you?  It makes it readily understandable. Look at verse 6 again.   Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Don’t worry, instead pray.  Now let’s look a little more closely at the last part of verse 6.  Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. 

 

It is not wrong to have needs.  God knows what you need—but He wants to hear from you.  He wants you to articulate what you need.  Not just what you want, but what your needs are.  See—we so often tell God what we want that we’ve often confused the two.  And there is nothing wrong with telling God what you want—but remember that He has only promised to supply what you need, though often He will go far beyond that to supply some of the wants as well.

 

Tell God what you need.  Do you really know what you need?  Is it truly more money?  Or is it a more trusting heart in God and a willingness to watch His provision?

 

Is it for your loved one to be healed?  Or is it for you to learn to yield yourself to the will of God?  Which do you want and which do you really need?

 

Is it for your kids to be kept safe physically or spiritually?  Sure, we want our kids to be kept safe physically—but we need our kids to be kept safe spiritually.

 

The very act of determining our wants from our real needs can help change our perspective. Tell God what you NEED.  Not worrying—praying.  Tell Him what you need, and then look at the last statement of the verse: and thank Him for all He has done.  Go back and recount what God has already done for you.  Not just a blanket, generic, “Thank you for all your many blessings”, but where you begin to realize that He has provided for so many of your needs and wants, starting with your greatest need—salvation, and working from there.  The perspective of gratitude gives you purpose.

 

Chad will live everyday with the realization that Ryan sacrificed his life for him, and that will put new perspective into each and every day that Chad lives.  When Chad gets up and looks at himself in the mirror, he knows that he must live this new day well because of his sense of gratitude to a brother that saved his life.  I would think that this perspective would add a new meaning and purpose to life.

 

You and I can live our days with that same purpose because there was One who took our diseases upon Himself, and our worst disease, sin, was enough to do Him in—not because He had to die.  He was perfectly healthy in every way.  It was we who were sick and doomed to die.  But when He began to do a character transplant, our sickness required so much of Him that it cost His very life.   With that realization should come gratitude that changes the way we live our lives.

 

Phil. 4:6-7 NLT    Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.  Then notice the by-product. 7 Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

 

Those four statements can change your world. Don’t worry about anything; instead pray about everything.  Tell God what you need.  And thank Him for all He has done.

 

That’s how you develop thankfulness as a way of life.  And the thing you are looking for becomes reality.  Peace.  You can have God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand.  And it is His peace that will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

 

Don’t worry.   Pray. Tell God what you need.  Thank him for what He has done.  That will change your perspective.  And that will bring you peace in your life.

 

May you have that thankfulness and peace in your life this Thanksgiving season!  Not only this season, but every day!

N 

The Love of the Giver

 Thomas A Kempis wrote: A wise lover values not so much the gift of the lover as the love of the giver.

Think about that- when I see the gift of salvation provided in abundance and freely bestowed on me, I have to go beyond the gift of God, and examine what caused Him to want to give it in the first place—the Love of God.  So while I value the gift, the gift is only there to lead me to the Love behind the gift.

 

And therein lies the reason we got trapped into all this commercialism surrounding Christmas in the first place.  We got the whole gift thing.  That made sense.  God gave to show His love—therefore, we can give to show our love.  So we give to those we love.  At least that’s where it started.  But then we began to spread that out a little to include those we appreciate.  And then we found out about political correctness, and we expanded it to giving gifts to those we couldn’t afford to offend or else to those by whom we wanted to be thought of more highly.  

And the gift giving became the focus, instead of the love behind the gifts.  When you separate the value of the gift from the love of the giver, you are left with raw materialism.  And then our worth becomes measured by the expense of the gift.

Let’s take a look at John 1 then, and take a look at the Giver of the gift in order to see if we can see the love of the Giver. 

 

John 1:1   In the beginning was the Word, (capital W—but who is this Word?) and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. 2 He was with God in the beginning. (being with God and also God himself would give us a clue.  Next John turns to the function of the Word)  3   Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. (Keep your finger there and let’s go back to Genesis 1 and see if that’s true.)

 

Gen. 1:1   In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.  2 Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.  3 And God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light.

 

Wait—God just said—let there be light and there was light?  How did that work?

 

Psalm 33:6-9 By the word of the LORD were the heavens made, their starry host by the breath of his mouth.  7 He gathers the waters of the sea into jars; he puts the deep into storehouses.  8 Let all the earth fear the LORD; let all the people of the world revere him.  9 For he spoke, and it came to be; he commanded, and it stood firm.

 

Did you catch that?  By the word of the Lord were the heavens made.  Go back to John 1:3-4   Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. 4 In him was life, and that life was the light of men.

 

The Word was the enacting power in the creation story.  In Him was life…without Him nothing was made that has been made.  But watch this.  Jump down to verse 14. 

John 1: 14   The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.

 

He, the Word, the Life-giver, the one that made everything that has been made—came down and made his dwelling among us.  Why?  To offer Himself to us in relationship.  To help us understand what God was like. 

 

After centuries of mankind enduring the powerful lies of Satan about what God was like, Jesus came to show us exactly what God was like.  And it wasn’t what we thought He would be like at all.  

 

Degenerate human nature says, “Show your power and gain respect!”  But the One who had the most power in the universe—the One who, with a word, could create all things, cloaked His power in the guise of a Baby.  But Satan knew the potential of that power and tried to have His life snuffed out as a toddler.

 

Degenerate human hearts crave money and wealth.  But the One who had everything and came from a place where gold was so cheap they used it as a paving material for streets and building material for the walls, walked through this life unencumbered by material possessions.  And Satan tried to tempt him with everything that man considers important, promising to deliver it all if Christ would only bow down and worship him.  But relationship with the Father is what Jesus centered on because it was the source of His strength as well as the heart of His mission.  Nothing else was worth having.

 

So Satan decides that if relationships are what we need, then present before the  degenerate human heart a string of them.  If one isn’t good enough, cast it aside and grab another.  But each one leaves us only more damaged than the last and leaves a string of broken people and relationships in our past.  Satan knows that if he can keep them shallow and surface, they will never be as fulfilling as God intended.  Jesus chose to focus deeply on that one relationship that mattered—the one with His Father—and that enriched all of the relationships He had with people.  It freed Him from the shallow and the surface.  It allowed Him to go beyond the outer protective shell that people would throw up around themselves, and penetrate to the heart of each.

 

It allowed Him to see the need of Zaccheus—not more money or things—but relationship.  

It allowed Him to see the need of Nicodemus—not more money or power—but relationship.

It allowed Him to see beyond the sin of the woman caught in adultery with her guilt and shame, and He knew she didn’t need more of that, so He offered grace instead.  He offered her relationship.  Not one that condemned her away from the presence of God, but one that restored her to God through Himself.  And that was beyond comprehension to the degenerate human heart.

 

John 1:5 The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it.

 

John 1:9-10 The true light that gives light to every man was coming into the world.  10  He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, the world did not recognize him.

 

Has life soured for you because you have been living it your own way and now everything is falling apart? Have you been striving for the wrong things, thinking they would be the fulfillment of your dreams, all the while having a nagging knowledge that tells you that the fulfillment will only be temporary?  Have you been measuring your worth in dollars and cents with the false god of materialism, yet finding that no matter how much you buy, it leaves you unsatisfied?  Do you find yourself in shallow or broken relationships knowing that they won’t truly be the answer, but not willing to let go, simply because you fear being alone?

 

Then the good news found in Jesus, is that he comes to offer Himself.  He's the Right Answer to a mixed-up world.  A relationship with the Word (capital W) can allow Him to speak a re-creative word (small w) into your life.  He can make you and your world all over again. And He can make it better, richer and with a brighter hope for your future. But it can’t be done apart from Jesus.   Any striving for any of these things apart from Jesus will only leave you more broken, more frustrated and more destitute at the end of the day.  How do I know?

 

John 1: 4 In him was life, and that life was the light of men.

 

That’s where the right answer for your life is found.  In Christ.  Alone.  In Him is life and that life is what can bring light to your life.  It can re-orient your priorities, bring fulfillment and purpose to your life, show you what is truly important, and restore relationships and deepen them beyond your wildest hopes, dreams or expectations.

Are you ready to try Him...again?  Or perhaps, for the very first time?  Then simply ask Him to come in and speak that word into your life.  And if you need help knowing what to do next, I'd love to hear from you.

Hope in the Storms

It has been said that we are at one of four points in life: Either between storms, going into a storm, being in the middle of a storm, or coming out of a storm.

In Matt 8, as well as in Mark 4 and Luke 8,  we find a story of the complete cycle.  Let’s look at Matthew 8 beginning with verse 23.

Matt. 8:23    Then Jesus got into the boat and started across the lake with his disciples. ²⁴ Suddenly, a fierce storm struck the lake, with waves breaking into the boat. But Jesus was sleeping. ²⁵ The disciples went and woke him up, shouting, “Lord, save us! We’re going to drown!”

Matt. 8:26    Jesus responded, “Why are you afraid? You have so little faith!” Then he got up and rebuked the wind and waves, and suddenly there was a great calm.

Matt. 8:27    The disciples were amazed. “Who is this man?” they asked. “Even the winds and waves obey him!””(Matthew 8:23–27 NLT-SE)

Now let’s read it again in  Mark 4.  

Mark 4:35    As evening came, Jesus said to his disciples, “Let’s cross to the other side of the lake.” ³⁶ So they took Jesus in the boat and started out, leaving the crowds behind (although other boats followed). ³⁷ But soon a fierce storm came up. High waves were breaking into the boat, and it began to fill with water.

Mark 4:38    Jesus was sleeping at the back of the boat with his head on a cushion. The disciples woke him up, shouting, “Teacher, don’t you care that we’re going to drown?”

Mark 4:39    When Jesus woke up, he rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Silence! Be still!” Suddenly the wind stopped, and there was a great calm. ⁴⁰ Then he asked them, “Why are you afraid? Do you still have no faith?”

Mark 4:41    The disciples were absolutely terrified. “Who is this man?” they asked each other. “Even the wind and waves obey him!”

 

Did you notice the subtle differences in Mark?  Especially in the cry and attitudes of the disciples.  Keep in mind, that the book of Mark is the recorded stories of Peter as written by John Mark.  So you start to see a little bit of the personality and memories of the different disciples and what they were thinking at the time.  We’ll come back to that in moment.

To round out our picture, let’s go to Luke 8.  

Luke 8:22    One day Jesus said to his disciples, “Let’s cross to the other side of the lake.” So they got into a boat and started out. ²³ As they sailed across, Jesus settled down for a nap. But soon a fierce storm came down on the lake. The boat was filling with water, and they were in real danger.

Luke 8:24    The disciples went and woke him up, shouting, “Master, Master, we’re going to drown!”   When Jesus woke up, he rebuked the wind and the raging waves. Suddenly the storm stopped and all was calm.

²⁵ Then he asked them, “Where is your faith?”  The disciples were terrified and amazed. “Who is this man?” they asked each other. “When he gives a command, even the wind and waves obey him!”

So now that we have three versions of the story, let’s piece them together and see if we get a little bit more understanding on this passage, and perhaps something that can help us today.

The disciples were peacefully going across the lake.  Jesus is exhausted so He lays down in the back of the boat and goes to sleep.  Suddenly, without any real warning, the storm breaks.  And this is a storm to beat all storms.

They are struggling against the oars, they are bailing like mad and they are panicked out of their minds. Those hardy fishermen had spent their lives on the lake, and had guided their boats through many a storm; but against this storm, their strength and skill are worthless.  They are helpless in the face of this tempest and their hope began to fade as their boat began filling with water.

Absorbed in their efforts to save themselves, they had forgotten that Jesus was on board.  Sound like anyone you know?  Not until they came to the end of their strength and they could see death staring them in the face, did they remember that somewhere in the boat was the One who could help them.  They call out for Him, but they hear no answer.  Just more wind and more waves to the face.  

And now, doubt jumps on top of fear and rides deep into their souls. Had Jesus forgotten them?  Was the One who had healed diseases and opened blinded eyes not able to help His own disciples now?  Have you noticed that we often do the same?  In God’s silence, we often listen to our doubts.

The book Desire of Ages says that a flash of lightning revealed the sleeping Savior and they are incredulous.  How can He sleep through this?  So they woke Him by screaming above the tempest, as recorded in Mark 4:38 (and remember, this is Peter’s version of the story)   “Teacher, Don’t you care that we’re going to drown?”   

Now, I have put this question in the category “stupid questions asked by the disciples”.   Do you think Jesus cared if they drowned?  Of course He did.  Because these men were to be the ones that carried His message to the world.  Of course He cared, but, as we said earlier, in God’s silence, we often listen to our doubts.  

First, forgetting Jesus was in the boat, and then, secondly, not hearing anything from God, they instantly jumped to the conclusion that God didn’t care.  Some things never change do they?  Ever done that? 

So they cry out to Jesus… “Don’t YOU CARE that we’re going to drown???”  Notice…to their reality, this is a foregone conclusion.  They had fully assessed the situation and decided that it was hopeless AND that somehow God didn’t care one whit about them.

There is no indication from either Matthew, Mark or Luke’s account that they wanted Him to do anything more than start rowing or bailing—but I believe they also knew that HE was where their hope lay.  Mathew’s account says that they screamed, “Lord save us: we’re going to drown!”  And I like what the book Desire of Ages says on page 335 “Never did a soul utter that cry unheeded.”  

Let’s go back to our text in Matthew 8.  V. 25 The disciples went and woke him up, shouting, “Lord, save us! We’re going to drown!”Jesus responded, “Why are you afraid? You have so little faith!” Then he got up and rebuked the wind and waves, and suddenly there was a great calm.The disciples were amazed. “Who is this man?” they asked. “Even the winds and waves obey him!”(Matthew 8:25–27 NLT-SE)

I love this story for a lot of reasons. First, it reminds us that no matter what storm we are going through, Jesus is still in the boat with us, and He has the power to control everything. Check this out-as fearful as the disciples were in the middle of the storm, they were even more fearful and amazed that the elements that they had feared only moments before, were totally at the beck and call of this man with whom they traveled.

Second, He is a God of surprises. When the disciples shouted out 

“Lord, save us!”, I’m sure the last solution on their minds was that He would simply get up and rebuke the storm and it would cease. They were probably hoping for the supernatural, to be sure...but they were not expecting that. 

Third, Jesus left them with more questions than answers. “Who IS this Man???” We were afraid of the storm before...but THIS Man is GREATER than the storm! That storm was NO MATCH for Him. We thought we were stuck in the clenches of the power of the storm...but the storm was nothing...compared to HIM. 

But as cool as this story is, it occurred to me that this story could either increase our faith or Satan could use it to defeat our faith. What? Let me explain. 

On the one hand, we can see a God who has absolute control of the elements...yet seems to let us down when it comes to OUR current crisis at hand. I had faith...didn’t I? And we focus in on the question Jesus asked them, “Why are you afraid? You have so little faith!” And we squint harder and repeat, “I believe, help my unbelief!!” 

We forget that it was not the disciples faith that caused Jesus to act. It was His goodness and grace, seeking to teach them that He could be trusted in the days and weeks ahead. 

We don’t stop to think that maybe there were other nights on the lake where the storms surrounded them and Jesus DIDN’T calm the storm...but allowed them to go through it. 

Their faith was not the answer to the problem. It was only the answer to the peace that was to be had as they faced the problem. Faith isn’t always about getting the outcome you want. Faith is about trusting that the outcome you receive will better prepare you for the way ahead. Faith is about trusting that one way, or the other, God will get you through the storm and you can be at peace in the middle of it because you trust that God has got you. 

Yes...Jesus CAN bring you the miracle, the healing, the whatever your prayer is...and sometimes He does. To quote singer/songwriter Scott Krippayne, “Sometimes He calms the storm, and other times he calms His child.” 

Sometimes He allows us to face the hard stuff so that we can learn that it is NOT our desired outcomes He is most concerned with, so much as our relationship and our trust in Him for the Journey ahead. 

That storm you are in...will you trust Him with it just now? He’s the God of surprises...so who knows how He will answer...but it will always be a way that can make you stronger and growing closer to Him if you let it. 

I pray peace for your daily journey.

Social Media Grenades vs The Way of Love

Almost a year ago,  I wrote Of Facebook Cannons and Twitter Bombs to examine how too many of us are seeking to right wrongs by weaponizing  our social media feeds to force change with those that have wronged us.  I ended with the line perhaps we need to live like Jesus and lead with love.

In that piece, I looked at the counsel Jesus gave in Matthew 18 on how to deal with those that have wronged us.  Sadly, many Christians totally ignore that counsel, and instead of airing their grievances with the person, they go straight to the Twitter feed or Facebook feed and call out, not just those that have wronged them personally, but those who merely irritate them or hold a view counter to their own.

I've observed on more than one occasion, even pastors, those who I'm certain must have read this passage at some point in their training, totally skipping over Jesus' very words of counsel and blasting other pastors on their social media platforms for the things that are contrary to the view of the one posting.  

In fact, some haven't been personally wronged at all! They merely disagree with what is being said in a sermon or a Twitter post, or in a meeting where something was said, and out come the social media grenades, hoping to blast that person and their opinions into oblivion.  

I just read a new one the other day and it greatly saddened me, and once again gave me cause to ponder.  And as I was pondering all these things the other morning, I decided to re-examine what God is calling us to as we deal with one another, especially fellow Christians. I wrote a Facebook post about what I found and incorporated part of it here.  Look at what Jesus Himself said to His disciples.  

John 15:12 This is my commandment: Love each other in the same way I have.

In this day and age of cancel culture, weaponized social media feeds and a polarized society on just about every front, it’s becoming harder and harder to like, much less love, those who are not like me, who think differently or who are sometimes just downright mean. Yet the command remains. 

To stay faithful as a follower of Jesus means we have to love others like Jesus loved. And it is impossible to do that unless we stay connected to Jesus. 

It’s like an electrical circuit. It is in connecting to Jesus and letting the love of Jesus flow into you so that it can flow from you to others that enable you to obey His command.

Perhaps you, like me, have found that loving others is easy to say, but hard to do. And as I seek to do that, I recognize that I can’t do it without the power of Jesus in my life. That’s why it is necessary to stay connected to the Source of Love. To (pardon the pun) stay grounded in His word.

Obeying His command to love, keeps me in His love because I recognize that there is no possible way I can do that on my own. Simply keeping the 10 commandments apart from loving others will do you no good. Jesus calls us to love as He loves. He doesn’t just call us…He commands us. Over and over. Check these verses where He reiterates it. 

John 13: 34 So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. 35 Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.

John:15:12-14 This is my commandment: Love each other in the same way I have loved you. 13 There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. 14 You are my friends if you do what I command.

John 15: 17 This is my command: Love each other.

Are you seeing the theme emerging that Jesus was trying to get across to those of us who profess to follow Him? Yet many of us spend our time arguing, judging, and comparing...Even calling people out on our social media feeds, seeking to show others our disgust or disdain at what we consider to be their errant thoughts and ideas without ever following the council in Matthew 18. hmmm...

Perhaps it's time for a refocusing of our spiritual priorities and returning to our calling to love.
What was it Jesus said?  

Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.

Between the Almost and the Not Yet

Ask any kid on a car journey about liminal space, and they will stare at you blankly.  But they all know the experience of liminality.  And so do you.  We find ourselves in liminal spaces all the time. How do I know?  Ever asked or answered this question on a road trip? “Are we there yet?” If you have answered with the words, “almost” or “not yet”, you understand the concept of  a liminal space. They are those transitional spaces in our lives that come between the Almost and the Not Yet.  They are transitory spaces.  Places where you cross one threshold but you are not quite to where you are going. 

In a house, we would call them entryways or hallways.  A place, not to stay, but to get from one place to another.  Get trapped in an entryway by someone blocking your entrance and someone behind you wanting to get in and you experience one of life’s teaching moments.  There is nothing quite so awkward as being stuck in a liminal space. An elevator would be another great example of that.  It is used to get from one floor to another, and that is extremely helpful,  but to get stuck in one can suddenly become frightening. Even hanging out in a stairwell of building leaves us feeling out of sorts.  Use it the way it was designed, and it is useful.  Stay there too long and it begins to feel a bit creepy.

In our world today, we find ourselves at that awkward place of liminality.  We are not yet through the pandemic, but almost.  We can see light at the end of the tunnel, and we certainly aren't where we were a year ago, but we aren’t yet back to normal.  That teen with a learner’s permit? Liminal state.  That pursuit of a degree?  Liminal stage of life.  They are phases to pass through but not to stay.  To be in a liminal state means that we are in transition,  moving to another stage, another place or another level. We have left one place and stage, but we have yet to arrive at our new place or stage.  And liminal phases almost always leave us feeling unsettled, unfinished or unresolved. There is something about leaving that liminal place and crossing into a more permanent or resting place that gives us the resolution we crave.

Moving from the kitchen down the hallway to the bedroom gives our purpose fulfillment.  We find sustenance in the kitchen and rest in the bedroom, but the hallway is not a place we typically hang out.  Its main purpose is to be the thoroughfare that gets us from one place to the other.  Necessary, to be sure, but not designed to be a destination.

Consider that one of the greatest liminal spaces for the Christian, that place between the Almost and the Not Yet, is simply called…mortal life.  Consider this: we know we have salvation in Christ as believers, because of what He did for us on the cross, and once we believe, we have left our old life behind,  but the fulfillment of that in its entirety is not yet.  And it won’t be until we cross the portals into heaven. This life, though it has many places of fulfillment and resting and enjoyments, albeit countered by pain, sorrow, loss and death, is really only a liminal space. 

From the womb to the tomb, this journey we are on is not a place we are to crave staying, any more than we would desire to always stand in the foyer or camp out in the hallway.  And even when we arrive at the tomb, it too, in reality, is only a liminal place.  We are, for lack of a better way to view it, stuck between the almost and the not yet.  In fact, according to scripture there are only two ultimate destinations-Heaven or Hell. And that isn’t so much a place as it is a Person. While I believe heaven and hell can be physical locations,  I believe they are more accurately descriptions of either being with Jesus or away from Him.

All through scripture, God continues to remind us that, though we were born here, this is only the hallway to heaven.  He seeks to help us understand that He intentioned more for us in the beginning, and though we blew that plan to pieces through our sin,  through Jesus, God desires to rescue us from our liminal spaces, both physical and mental, and deliver us to a place of true destiny; our ultimate destiny.   A place where we will finally discover in totality, who we really are, and how we can live into that for eternity. To know and be truly known…and totally belong.

That destiny can start here and now.  It is one of purpose and intentionality: to pursue the Creator God in personal relationship, to seek and discover how God has put us together and to utilize those gifts to help others see the futility in seeking anything on this earth as a final destination.  Wealth?  Fleeting.  Power? Fickle and damaging.  Fame? Here today, forgotten tomorrow.  All liminal spaces.  None of them are permanent destinations.  Those who pursue them find, after attaining a certain amount of any or all,  that there is still more of each to seek after.  And even if you could attain all of the money that exists in the world, all of the power that is available and all the fame you possibly could attain, the burning question would still be: Is this all there is?  Now what?

They are the same questions that all seek.  And the answers?  No.  This isn’t all there is.  You have an ultimate destiny and it is found in the person of Jesus Christ. Now what?  Perhaps Solomon, the wisest man that ever lived, can answer what we are to be doing until our ultimate Destiny-Jesus, comes to take us to our ultimate home-heaven, as we wait between the Almost and the Not Yet.

Eccl. 12:13    That’s the whole story. Here now is my final conclusion: Fear God and obey his commands, for this is everyone’s duty.

Heb. 12:1    Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. ² We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith.

Hold on my friends…until the FINALLY HERE arrives.