When You are Stuck in the Prison of Your Soul or I HATE to WAIT!!!

Genesis 41:1 "Two years passed…” After Joseph had interpreted the dreams of the baker and butler and the butler had been restored to his job, promising Joseph that if it all came true he would tell Pharaoh about him, the butler was reinstated and then...promptly forgot about Joseph—so the next verse starts with “Two years passed…” Two years! PASSED! While Joseph sat in prison!

Interesting that the Bible inserts those words. Two years passed. We have nothing recorded about Joseph’s life during those two years. We can only assume that it was lived the way the previous years had been lived because of what we see AFTER the two years. How had he lived? Gen 39: 20 So he took Joseph and threw him into the prison where the king’s prisoners were held, and there he remained. 21 But the Lord was with Joseph in the prison and showed him his faithful love. And the Lord made Joseph a favorite with the prison warden. 22 Before long, the warden put Joseph in charge of all the other prisoners and over everything that happened in the prison. 23 The warden had no more worries, because Joseph took care of everything. The Lord was with him and caused everything he did to succeed.

"But I don’t LIKE to wait." Neither did Joseph. "Well, if my story ended up like Joseph’s I wouldn’t mind the waiting so much." Joseph had NO CLUE how his story would end up. He just found himself stuck in “wait” mode. He must have wondered a million times if he would ever get out of prison and be able to fulfill some of his goals and dreams for his life…even if they were to be spent as a slave. He could at least work to be head of the household.

No. I think Joseph must have gotten pretty tired of the waiting. Two years passed. Two years! But God hadn’t forgotten about Joseph. He had greater plans and Joseph’s character would have to be equal to the task. Like a blacksmith forging his iron, or a glassblower who knows just exactly when to take the glass out of the flames, God knew what it would take to bring Joseph’s character to be strengthened equal to the task. He knew that Joseph would have to be able to wield power carefully. God knew that Joseph would have to be kind. He knew that Joseph would need to be wise and that ultimately, Joseph would be able to preserve his family instead of annihilate them because of unresolved hatred. God knew that Joseph would have to be able to forgive.

So maybe you find yourself in the waiting period. Nothing seems to be moving. Your career. Stuck. Your passion. Gone. Relationships. Stagnate. Two years pass. Maybe 5. And you wait. And wait. How do you deal with the wait?

I have been there. Waiting. My soul passionless. Sometimes even the food I ate tasting bland and grey. No aliveness in my soul nor song in my heart. Unable to feel all but the strongest of emotions: mainly anger. Waiting and praying that God would somehow, someway deliver me from the prison of myself. My job as a pastor was crushing at times, seeking to bring hope to those that God brought to me while the grey in my soul was eating me alive. Week after week, month after month, year after year, writing sermons, counseling, giving Bible studies, planning and executing mission trips to Appalachia, seeking to keep hope alive in my own soul and my spiritual nose above water.

To be sure, there were some times better than others. There were times when it seemed like I would be getting out of this soul prison. It would seem that the door were starting to finally swing open and new hope would spring forth, but just as quickly, something would happen that would slam the door in my face. The death of friends and family members through cancer, heart attacks, strokes, car accidents, plane crashes and sometimes, even old age, all of these stretched out on my life line to slam the cell door of my soul back in my face.

I read a story once, about Mother Theresa saying that she had gone 22 years without hearing a word from God. She called it her “dark night of the soul” experience. She was asked, “How in the world did you keep going when you felt God was so distant?” Her response stunned me. She reportedly answered, “I just kept going back to the last place I KNEW I heard God speaking to me and sought to be obedient to that."

So how do I endure the waiting, especially not knowing how long it will last? I think it is found in the same way. It is in my belief that God is in control and that it isn’t so much what happens to me, but IN ME, that matters. Somehow I keep going back to the time where I KNOW I heard God speaking to me distinctly and I, like Joseph, like Mother Theresa, seek to be obedient to that until I next hear God change my calling.

And so I continue to wait. Totally dependent upon Grace to help me administer grace to the graceless, hope to the hopeless, help me write sermons and give counsel and dispense wisdom that calls people back to God. Grace that gives me strength for the journey, not knowing if today I will be in the cell, or suddenly promoted to the palace. To be sure—I rest in HIS promise: 2Cor. 12:9 NLT Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.

Two years passed… how will YOU wait?

Hurry Up and Wait! Expect Delays!

Ever played that game?  The "hurry up and wait" game?  I was playing it on the freeway from Atlanta just this afternoon.  I was zipping in and out of traffic, trying to get past all of the slow cars, only to get 5 miles up the road where a lane was shut down because a car had caught on fire...and as all of the traffic came to a standstill, I found myself waiting...in the middle of it...unable to move!  Frustrating...but there was nothing I could do about it except embrace it.  I was where I was and no amount of wishing would move me an inch closer or a minute faster towards my goal.

I began to think of all the times I play the "hurry up and wait" game and how it really is rather stupid.  Yet I do it all the time.  Like on airplanes.  As soon as the aircraft comes to a complete stop and the little bong sound chimes, I've got that seat belt off, standing up and grabbing my items from the overhead bin like I'm headed to a fire.  The only problem is--everyone else is doing the same thing.  And usually, I'm about 3/4 of the way back, so I have to wait for the whole plane to unload before I can even pick my stuff up.

Or when I'm shopping at Wal-Mart and I only have 15 items (or less)--and I see some elderly grandma with a hand full of coupons and a full grocery cart, meandering towards the same lane I had already picked out.  If I can get away with it, I accelerate rapidly and try to get in ahead of her.  If it is too close to call, and I might get called for being a rude pastor, I back off and start checking all of the other lines to see if there might be some hope of getting in a faster lane.

But I noticed that I'm not alone.  You do it too!  What's THAT all about?  As I sat in traffic today I pondered that question.

I think it comes when we begin to view the world through the eyes of "how will this affect ME?"  And if it affects me adversely, the "I don't like this one bit!"  My focus suddenly shifts from how others are affected to how I'm affected and my selfish nature takes over.  I  become the center of my universe and though I may have a tinge of empathy for the poor person who's car went up in flames, I was more than relieved when the tow truck got it hefted up on top and drove off, clearing the rest of us to accelerate back to normal (and in many cases, above normal) speeds.

I, however, didn't try to zig and zag out of traffic any longer, as I continued to ponder the question: Just what is it about ME that I think I deserve to have life always go my way all of the time?  Just why do I tend to get so upset when I get into the "hurry up" mindset and then am forced to wait?  But most importantly...How do I STOP the "hurry up and wait" mentality in the first place?  How can I come to the point of "going with the flow" instead of blowing my top?

The sign may say "expect delays" but instead of learning to accept that and adjusting my life to reality, I always seem to be shocked when I find myself facing delays.  I grow angry and outraged that my world is being affected.  That I am being forced to wait still again. 

Yet, on the other hand, I readily admit that I want to make a difference in life.  I want my life to have purpose and meaning. That I want my life to count for the cause of God.

Is it conceivable that my expectations are unrealistic?  Can I really have it both ways?  Can I be "king of the road" and serve another King at the same time? Could it be that the reason  I get so upset at the "hurry up and wait" game is because I believe, deep down, without question, that it really should be all about me after all?  Of course I would never say it out loud...or would I?  Perhaps my loudly yelling at the other "idiots on the road", or muttering and sighing loudly as grandma goes through all of her coupons is my subtle way of telling the world that I sincerely believe that I really should be the most important person in the room or on the road?

Wasn't it Jesus who really addressed the problem head on when his disciples asked the question about who would be the greatest in the Kingdom?  Do you remember what Jesus told them?

Matt 20:25 But Jesus called them together and said, “You know that the rulers in this world lord it over their people, and officials flaunt their authority over those under them. 26 But among you it will be different. Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant, 27 and whoever wants to be first among you must become your slave. 28 For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

Among you it will be different!  Is it possible that the delays of life could actually aid me in developing meaning and purpose?  Could it be that God designed the delays because He is more interested in my holiness than He is my happiness?  Is my whining and complaining really only showing God where MY heart is rather than pointing out how stupid everyone else appears to me or how they bother me, or even annoy and disgust me?  I think so.  The angry, griping, or whiney words I say really are more a statement about me and where my heart is than it is about those who annoy me.  And scripture would bear this out.

Luke 6:45 A good person produces good things from the treasury of a good heart, and an evil person produces evil things from the treasury of an evil heart. What you say flows from what is in your heart.

So how you and I handle the "hurry up and wait" game really reveals our hearts as well as our characters.  I don't know about you...but I want what flows from my heart to reveal a Savior, not a slime ball.  A character of distinction rather than corruption.  A heart full of love for God and others, not so focused on myself that my short-sightedness eclipses someone else's view of God.  Which brings to mind one other text...

Is. 40:31 But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. 

Teach me Lord, to wait!  And then let me soar!